This is primarily a blog to keep track of my schoolwork for my mythology and folklore class. However, I hope you find my experiences and opinions entertaining and that you can learn a little something too.
Friday, September 12, 2014
Comment Wall
Please feel free to leave comments here about my blog in general or about my Storybook assignments. Thanks!
Hi Alissa! I thought the title of your storybook was interesting and it definitely had an element of mystery to it, which will help to intrigue people. I liked the image that you use and the link redirected correctly, but I did feel like the picture was somewhat clashing with the overall website theme. The picture shows an old-fashioned looking storybook and I don’t think that fits in with the tattered edges notebook paper theme that your site has. Personally, I think something else might complement your image better, so that’s something to possibly consider.
That being said, I thought your introduction was well-written and fun to read. I liked the narration style you went with, like the diary itself was telling the story. I also liked how you set things up so that the diary had different owners who kept their stories in it. That was clever and provided you with a nice way to segue into your stories. I was curious where you got the name of the diary from? Did you make it up yourself/what is the significance of it? I think you’re off to a really good start and I look forward to reading some of your stories in the later weeks!
I was captivated from the beginning with your introduction! The idea of having the diary talk and be the narrator is very original and I think works perfectly for your stories you will be telling. It was great how you mentioned the background story of how the diary came to be and its own adventures, not just the adventures of the characters within in. The diary has its own personality and it really shines through in your writing. The ending was a great transition into presenting the stories. I really do want to cuddle up and read the rest of the stories to come. You did a great job in captivating the reader by saying "These wonderful tales have highlights the likes of which you have never seen before!" I was hooked and wanted to see how you are going to change these stories.
The image on the title page is a perfect introduction to the story. I would maybe change the layout to something less "crisp" looking. If they have an old tattered book like the image, it would be perfect. Or something more soft and whimsical like a fairy tale book. I think there also needs to be a comma between beautiful and young in the sentence " I rustled along into the life of the beautiful young Bianca" Just a small grammatical error.
I love the concept you have for your storytelling! Wonderful job. I’m not sure if you ever saw the movie Ella Enchanted (although I really hope you have), but there is a book who is essentially alive in the movie and that is what your abiding diary makes me think of in the introduction. What I especially love is that it is a diary that has chronicled the stories of several different people and is a timeline of sorts. Your introduction is absolutely superb, but how did Amaranthine become the abiding diary? Also, the picture you use on your home page is a perfect representation of the diary. Because there is a picture it makes me wonder if Amaranthine (if she is alive as a book) possibly created pictures for the stories. Like when the prince was writing in her she could, for all intense and purposes, see him and created an illustration of him in her pages.
I am loving that you included not only the dates in Prince Stefan’s diary, but also the time that he was writing. The time of day can really affect ones mood. I especially love it because there are different thoughts in the morning than in the afternoon or evening. My favorite was probably the May Third one where he had not seen the swans for a while and had to go after them. I found that to be so incredibly human. For instance, when you have not seen your crush or bestfriend in several days you become anxious and you must see them. It was such a relatable two sentences and it cracked me up a little bit, that and the ending when he tells the diary that he wont be able to write in it very much now that he found his true love. As someone who kept a diary in my much younger youth, I can say there are a few entries that sound familiar. All in all, your story was excellent. Very well written and incredibly clever of an idea; I look forward to reading more of your stories in the future.
I read your introduction last week and was glad that I got to return to see your first story. I think it is great how you split the entries into different days and times rather than having one long entry that tells the entire story. I like the contrast you had in the lengthier posts and then the short post that documents observations, such as the prince not seeing the swans in 9 days. The break in the different entries gives it a better flow and allows you to really see how the mind of the prince is working. I love what you did with the story and I think you did a great job in preserving the important aspects of the tale, but making it your own. The description of the swan maiden was amazing!! Particularly the sentence "They preened elongated necks with shiny black beaks, and their pale arms had morphed with full-feathered wings" As I read this I was amazed with your ability to use such descriptive imagery to paint the scene the prince was seeing. The dragon was such an unexpected twist and you made it fit seamlessly into the story to make the dragon the culprit behind why the swan maidens were stealing the apples. The ending is perfect where you end with the prince saying he might not have as much time to write in the journal now that he is married. It provides a perfect transition into the next story where there will be a new narrator. Great job and, as I said before, your descriptive imagery in this tale is amazing!
Alissa, I appreciate your comments, and it really means a lot to hear such praise from a fellow Seuss fan - especially one who wants to be a novelist. I am sorry for the absense of made-up words. I would have loved to put some into my story, but I feared it might take away from the actual story since very few people know about the Kalevala. I just felt like the message was more important. Thanks so much for the comments!
Hey Alissa! When I was searching for a third free choice for the internet assignment this week, your title kept grabbing my attention! First off, I want to say that I love the color scheme and the feel of your homepage. I think that the title and the image create a nice mood and expectation for the stories to follow.
I love that you are going with the diary storytelling method. I used a diary to tell my stories a few semesters ago when I took Indian Epics online and it worked beautifully from a storytelling view point! I really like that you also added another dimension by giving the diary a name, personality, and background. You did a wonderful job of setting up your future stories and making your readers more intrigued about what you (or the diary) will say after having warned us not to make our own assumptions on the ending to each story based on our previous knowledge. One thing that I think would really add to the page would be an image of an old worn-out diary so that we can have a visual of what Amaranthine, the abiding diary, looks like! Other than that, I thought that you did a wonderful job of making your story flow and sucking me in!
Alissa, THANK YOU for your comment on my storytelling post about the goddesses and their symbolic birds. Your questions really helped me to expand my story. You were right that I should include why Bridget's brothers and sisters did not like to play with her. It is not normal for her siblings to all be against her with no explanation. Our professor was also confused about whether the peacock was to protect Bridget or keep Hera company, so I decided to clarify that as well. You were right in mentioning that the birds at the end is a little abrupt so I will try to work on that. Maybe incorporate bird stuffed animals earlier in the story. Thanks for your feedback. It has really helped in my revising process.
Alissa, I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you for all of your positive feedback! I’m glad you found my storybook interesting and your comments made me feel like I was on the right track with all this! I did consider your advice to have the bat just explain that she was a bat, but I didn’t want to stray too far from the original fable. Anyway, thank you again and I hope the rest of your semester goes smoothly!
You cover page is absolutely beautiful! I love the color scheme and how it emphasizes your picture! The title "The Abiding Diary" is well represented by the book you have in your image.
The introduction was AWESOME and I am very excited to be able to read your first story as well! The fact that your narrator, at this moment, is Amaranthine (the abiding diary) is pretty cool. The fact you gave the diary a name gives them a personality and a role in the plot. The way you have introduced and connected your stories was also amazing. I cannot praise you enough! I could only wish I had this much skill in my own writing.
Prior to reading your Storybook, I had never heard of this fairy tale. The fact that your writing is in diary style, and each entry needed at date/intro, just accentuates your excellent writing skill! I don't believe I would have been able to add those details without exceeding the word limit. With the word limit in mind, you did a great job including details where they were needed, all the while keeping the flow consistent and precise. I cannot wait to come back and read more of your stories. One last time, great job!
I just wanted to say thank you for the nice comment you left on my week three storytelling post. I was definitely thinking of Indiana Jones when I was writing up the story!
Hey Alissa! I am glad that I am getting the chance to return to your storybook and check out your first story! I remember very much enjoying the set up of your storybook webpage and the your use of the diary as a storytelling method!
I like Price Ste-, I mean Stefan's modesty in the opening paragraph. He seems like a royal who just wanted to me treated normally and not as if he is above everyone else. The second paragraph had me a little confused about Stefan's emotional state. I could not really tell if he was excited about his father asking him to guard the apples or if he was angry about it because his brothers were able to get out of doing it. During the story I was very surprised at how Stefan was more intrigued by the swans, especially the one who acknowledged him, than he was about the loss of his family's golden apples. Although, I suppose in most myths love can be very blinding! I really enjoyed the climax of the story where Stefan finds the beautiful swan maidens and the surprise dragon. As he fought, I imagined a reasonably strong boy with an awkward fighting stance and wide fearful eyes.
Overall, great story! I really enjoyed your retelling of the original. It allowed us to read a quicker version of the story, but still obtain the same message of love conquering all obstacles - even those that are as large and frightening as a dragon!
I love your theme of your storybook! I think that your cover page is so wonderful! It looks very visually appealing and so it really does a successful job of catching the reader’s eye and attention! I think that you did a really good job of picking the colors and fonts. They are very calm and very soft, so because of that they really speak to the theme of your storybook! I think that you also have a wonderful picture on your cover page, this picture really sets up the reader with what the preceding stories are going to be about. One recommendation I do have though is that you may want to make that photo smaller. I feel that it is too large and that when the reader first gets to the page they have to scroll down to see the whole thing. If you make the photo smaller then the page will be more appealing! I love your introduction page but one thing to maybe add is a picture. I think it would really strengthen your introduction, and would catch the reader’s eye more! One other recommendation I have would be to keep all of the font sizes consistent throughout the many pages. Overall great job though so far!
Hi Alissa, Very good job with your storybook so far, it was a smart idea to tie all your stories together by writing the stories from the perspective of a diary that is passed around. Like other people have mentioned the pictures also work really well with your storytelling. The one thing I would suggest for your site would be to maybe use a font that looks like handwriting since you are writing this storybook like it is a diary, but I understand if you don't because several of the cursive fonts are often too difficult to read. For the first story I liked how you changed your story from the original because your retelling has a lot more purpose compared to the prince randomly letting a dragon out with a key. I also found it kind of funny that everyone in your story and the original manages to fall asleep, including the hired guards. I also liked how you included the picture because the whole situation would be a little difficult to visualize. I was going to read and comment on your second story but I will save it for the next time. Great job and keep up the good work.
Alissa, first and foremost I love the layout you chose. It all fits together so wonderfully especially with the photo you picked to put on the coverpage. This is actually one of my favorite schemes so far that I have seen. I love that your introduction gives us insight to the narrator being the diary itself. A diary passed down can definitely tell us stories like no other! I am very interesting in Maria and Prince Stefan. I like that you referenced Rapunzel as well, she’s my favorite!
Including time was an extra detail I don’t see too often. I like that you took the time to do that. I bet Prince Stefan was definitely surprised to hear the swan talk. The swan is so kind though. It is kind of strange that he liked her that much though. Arthur ruined his moment though! Prince Stefan definitely deserved a beautiful Swan Maiden after saving them! I think you wrote this story wonderfully. I love the dialogue in the diary but you also kept to the diary format, thus all the details kept us entertained and still allowed us to read it as a flowing story. Plus happy endings are the best!
Hey Alissa, I really liked the premise of your storybook. It was a very interesting read! The introduction could use a picture of a diary, perhaps one that is old and beat up looking. The introduction grabbed my attention and it was interesting to see how the diary moved through time. I loved the idea because while people do not live forever, a diary is an easy way to capture a variety of stories at once. The italics as the headlines for each day made it stick out a little, but could use something to make them stick out a little more. If they were bold it might make it even more visually appealing. For the story of swans, a picture of a golden apple or of the dragon that the Prince slays would make a good addition. I enjoyed the story and thought you were very descriptive when giving us a mental picture of the story and you did a great job. The marriage proposal after slaying the dragon was fitting for a story like this. The damsel in distress story is always a classic. I think it is interesting to see how many people marry half-human creatures in these folk stories.
The color scheme you've chosen for you coverpage is very pleasing to the eye. I'm a fan of natural, earthy colors, so perhaps I am a bit biased. Still, it avoids the pure white that can be harsh on the eyes.
In your introduction, you might have your narrator explain what it means to be an "abiding diary." Given the didactic voice you have given he or she, I can easily see an explanation coming from the book's lips (or pages.)
Typically posts in a diary format tend to have long entires, but I am glad to see that each day is composed of a few sentences. In my opinion, it allows you to emphasize more important entries by making them longer. One of my favorite parts in the first story is the foreshadowing you include when you Prince Stefan writes, "I could picture her as a gorgeous maiden with long golden hair and charming blue eyes." It makes me wonder what her voice sounded like in order to make him think that.
In terms of typographical errors, I am not finding too many. Everything seems to fit the voice of your narrator, so I wouldn't be too concerned. If you really wanted to perfect this, perhaps you could make sure that your comma usage is very consistent. Then again, there might not be anything to change.
The website looks great, Alissa. There’s nothing particularly revolutionary about the design but the color scheme is among my favorites of the Storybooks I’ve read and the cover page picture does a good job of establishing the type of Storybook you’re going for. The pictures in your individual stories are also very well-chosen. “The Swan Maidens” illustration perfectly matches with the image you capture in the first story, and the cottage picture in the next story contributes well to my formulation of what the brothers’ residence looks like. I noticed that you use a different font in the introduction than you do in the following diary entries, and I rather like this choice since it reflect the differences between the diary’s direct speaking and the entries contained in the book proper. Everything looks great content-wise as well. I like how you’ve tweaked your source material in ways that make the story fit the length and also so that they make more sense to you from a plot perspective. The characters’ different voices shine through their diary entries, and even though we’re only getting to know these characters’ feats through their writing, there’s still a great sense of immediacy and adventure in the entries. Keep it up!
Hi Alissa, First off your title came off as very vague. So I had trouble gauging what your story was about initially. Though I do like the simplicity of your website and your cover photo. After reading your introduction I pleased to find out it’s about a diary! I like how you’re going to make the point of view of the story from the diary itself. You gave some backstory to the diary which set a nice tone for the overall storybook. The story of Prince Stefan and The Swan Maiden was a very an interesting read. You added so much detail and dialogue that added some personality to your characters. Shortening the story was a good call. I think you retold the story in a way that was more efficient and simpler. It gave enough information for the reader to understand the story. I also really like the image you chose to use. It’s definitely how I pictured the character to look like. I’ve always liked the diary style. When utilized correctly it can add a nice effect to the story and make it more interesting. You did a great job on this storybook, keep up the good work!
Thank you for your comments on my Storybook. I really appreciate the helpful words. The Lord of the North was actually the father of the woman who was getting married, and so he was acting like a bouncer for her big day.
Hi Alissa! I thought the title of your storybook was interesting and it definitely had an element of mystery to it, which will help to intrigue people. I liked the image that you use and the link redirected correctly, but I did feel like the picture was somewhat clashing with the overall website theme. The picture shows an old-fashioned looking storybook and I don’t think that fits in with the tattered edges notebook paper theme that your site has. Personally, I think something else might complement your image better, so that’s something to possibly consider.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, I thought your introduction was well-written and fun to read. I liked the narration style you went with, like the diary itself was telling the story. I also liked how you set things up so that the diary had different owners who kept their stories in it. That was clever and provided you with a nice way to segue into your stories. I was curious where you got the name of the diary from? Did you make it up yourself/what is the significance of it? I think you’re off to a really good start and I look forward to reading some of your stories in the later weeks!
I was captivated from the beginning with your introduction! The idea of having the diary talk and be the narrator is very original and I think works perfectly for your stories you will be telling. It was great how you mentioned the background story of how the diary came to be and its own adventures, not just the adventures of the characters within in. The diary has its own personality and it really shines through in your writing. The ending was a great transition into presenting the stories. I really do want to cuddle up and read the rest of the stories to come. You did a great job in captivating the reader by saying "These wonderful tales have highlights the likes of which you have never seen before!" I was hooked and wanted to see how you are going to change these stories.
ReplyDeleteThe image on the title page is a perfect introduction to the story. I would maybe change the layout to something less "crisp" looking. If they have an old tattered book like the image, it would be perfect. Or something more soft and whimsical like a fairy tale book. I think there also needs to be a comma between beautiful and young in the sentence " I rustled along into the life of the beautiful young Bianca" Just a small grammatical error.
I love the concept you have for your storytelling! Wonderful job. I’m not sure if you ever saw the movie Ella Enchanted (although I really hope you have), but there is a book who is essentially alive in the movie and that is what your abiding diary makes me think of in the introduction. What I especially love is that it is a diary that has chronicled the stories of several different people and is a timeline of sorts. Your introduction is absolutely superb, but how did Amaranthine become the abiding diary? Also, the picture you use on your home page is a perfect representation of the diary. Because there is a picture it makes me wonder if Amaranthine (if she is alive as a book) possibly created pictures for the stories. Like when the prince was writing in her she could, for all intense and purposes, see him and created an illustration of him in her pages.
ReplyDeleteI am loving that you included not only the dates in Prince Stefan’s diary, but also the time that he was writing. The time of day can really affect ones mood. I especially love it because there are different thoughts in the morning than in the afternoon or evening. My favorite was probably the May Third one where he had not seen the swans for a while and had to go after them. I found that to be so incredibly human. For instance, when you have not seen your crush or bestfriend in several days you become anxious and you must see them. It was such a relatable two sentences and it cracked me up a little bit, that and the ending when he tells the diary that he wont be able to write in it very much now that he found his true love. As someone who kept a diary in my much younger youth, I can say there are a few entries that sound familiar. All in all, your story was excellent. Very well written and incredibly clever of an idea; I look forward to reading more of your stories in the future.
I read your introduction last week and was glad that I got to return to see your first story. I think it is great how you split the entries into different days and times rather than having one long entry that tells the entire story. I like the contrast you had in the lengthier posts and then the short post that documents observations, such as the prince not seeing the swans in 9 days. The break in the different entries gives it a better flow and allows you to really see how the mind of the prince is working. I love what you did with the story and I think you did a great job in preserving the important aspects of the tale, but making it your own. The description of the swan maiden was amazing!! Particularly the sentence "They preened elongated necks with shiny black beaks, and their pale arms had morphed with full-feathered wings" As I read this I was amazed with your ability to use such descriptive imagery to paint the scene the prince was seeing. The dragon was such an unexpected twist and you made it fit seamlessly into the story to make the dragon the culprit behind why the swan maidens were stealing the apples. The ending is perfect where you end with the prince saying he might not have as much time to write in the journal now that he is married. It provides a perfect transition into the next story where there will be a new narrator. Great job and, as I said before, your descriptive imagery in this tale is amazing!
ReplyDeleteAlissa, I appreciate your comments, and it really means a lot to hear such praise from a fellow Seuss fan - especially one who wants to be a novelist. I am sorry for the absense of made-up words. I would have loved to put some into my story, but I feared it might take away from the actual story since very few people know about the Kalevala. I just felt like the message was more important. Thanks so much for the comments!
ReplyDeleteHey Alissa! When I was searching for a third free choice for the internet assignment this week, your title kept grabbing my attention! First off, I want to say that I love the color scheme and the feel of your homepage. I think that the title and the image create a nice mood and expectation for the stories to follow.
ReplyDeleteI love that you are going with the diary storytelling method. I used a diary to tell my stories a few semesters ago when I took Indian Epics online and it worked beautifully from a storytelling view point! I really like that you also added another dimension by giving the diary a name, personality, and background. You did a wonderful job of setting up your future stories and making your readers more intrigued about what you (or the diary) will say after having warned us not to make our own assumptions on the ending to each story based on our previous knowledge. One thing that I think would really add to the page would be an image of an old worn-out diary so that we can have a visual of what Amaranthine, the abiding diary, looks like! Other than that, I thought that you did a wonderful job of making your story flow and sucking me in!
Alissa, THANK YOU for your comment on my storytelling post about the goddesses and their symbolic birds. Your questions really helped me to expand my story. You were right that I should include why Bridget's brothers and sisters did not like to play with her. It is not normal for her siblings to all be against her with no explanation. Our professor was also confused about whether the peacock was to protect Bridget or keep Hera company, so I decided to clarify that as well. You were right in mentioning that the birds at the end is a little abrupt so I will try to work on that. Maybe incorporate bird stuffed animals earlier in the story. Thanks for your feedback. It has really helped in my revising process.
ReplyDeleteAlissa, I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you for all of your positive feedback! I’m glad you found my storybook interesting and your comments made me feel like I was on the right track with all this! I did consider your advice to have the bat just explain that she was a bat, but I didn’t want to stray too far from the original fable. Anyway, thank you again and I hope the rest of your semester goes smoothly!
ReplyDeleteYou cover page is absolutely beautiful! I love the color scheme and how it emphasizes your picture! The title "The Abiding Diary" is well represented by the book you have in your image.
ReplyDeleteThe introduction was AWESOME and I am very excited to be able to read your first story as well! The fact that your narrator, at this moment, is Amaranthine (the abiding diary) is pretty cool. The fact you gave the diary a name gives them a personality and a role in the plot. The way you have introduced and connected your stories was also amazing. I cannot praise you enough! I could only wish I had this much skill in my own writing.
Prior to reading your Storybook, I had never heard of this fairy tale. The fact that your writing is in diary style, and each entry needed at date/intro, just accentuates your excellent writing skill! I don't believe I would have been able to add those details without exceeding the word limit. With the word limit in mind, you did a great job including details where they were needed, all the while keeping the flow consistent and precise. I cannot wait to come back and read more of your stories. One last time, great job!
Hi Alissa!
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to say thank you for the nice comment you left on my week three storytelling post. I was definitely thinking of Indiana Jones when I was writing up the story!
Hey Alissa! I am glad that I am getting the chance to return to your storybook and check out your first story! I remember very much enjoying the set up of your storybook webpage and the your use of the diary as a storytelling method!
ReplyDeleteI like Price Ste-, I mean Stefan's modesty in the opening paragraph. He seems like a royal who just wanted to me treated normally and not as if he is above everyone else. The second paragraph had me a little confused about Stefan's emotional state. I could not really tell if he was excited about his father asking him to guard the apples or if he was angry about it because his brothers were able to get out of doing it. During the story I was very surprised at how Stefan was more intrigued by the swans, especially the one who acknowledged him, than he was about the loss of his family's golden apples. Although, I suppose in most myths love can be very blinding! I really enjoyed the climax of the story where Stefan finds the beautiful swan maidens and the surprise dragon. As he fought, I imagined a reasonably strong boy with an awkward fighting stance and wide fearful eyes.
Overall, great story! I really enjoyed your retelling of the original. It allowed us to read a quicker version of the story, but still obtain the same message of love conquering all obstacles - even those that are as large and frightening as a dragon!
I love your theme of your storybook! I think that your cover page is so wonderful! It looks very visually appealing and so it really does a successful job of catching the reader’s eye and attention! I think that you did a really good job of picking the colors and fonts. They are very calm and very soft, so because of that they really speak to the theme of your storybook! I think that you also have a wonderful picture on your cover page, this picture really sets up the reader with what the preceding stories are going to be about. One recommendation I do have though is that you may want to make that photo smaller. I feel that it is too large and that when the reader first gets to the page they have to scroll down to see the whole thing. If you make the photo smaller then the page will be more appealing! I love your introduction page but one thing to maybe add is a picture. I think it would really strengthen your introduction, and would catch the reader’s eye more! One other recommendation I have would be to keep all of the font sizes consistent throughout the many pages. Overall great job though so far!
ReplyDeleteHi Alissa,
ReplyDeleteVery good job with your storybook so far, it was a smart idea to tie all your stories together by writing the stories from the perspective of a diary that is passed around. Like other people have mentioned the pictures also work really well with your storytelling. The one thing I would suggest for your site would be to maybe use a font that looks like handwriting since you are writing this storybook like it is a diary, but I understand if you don't because several of the cursive fonts are often too difficult to read. For the first story I liked how you changed your story from the original because your retelling has a lot more purpose compared to the prince randomly letting a dragon out with a key. I also found it kind of funny that everyone in your story and the original manages to fall asleep, including the hired guards. I also liked how you included the picture because the whole situation would be a little difficult to visualize. I was going to read and comment on your second story but I will save it for the next time. Great job and keep up the good work.
Alissa, first and foremost I love the layout you chose. It all fits together so wonderfully especially with the photo you picked to put on the coverpage. This is actually one of my favorite schemes so far that I have seen. I love that your introduction gives us insight to the narrator being the diary itself. A diary passed down can definitely tell us stories like no other! I am very interesting in Maria and Prince Stefan. I like that you referenced Rapunzel as well, she’s my favorite!
ReplyDeleteIncluding time was an extra detail I don’t see too often. I like that you took the time to do that. I bet Prince Stefan was definitely surprised to hear the swan talk. The swan is so kind though. It is kind of strange that he liked her that much though. Arthur ruined his moment though! Prince Stefan definitely deserved a beautiful Swan Maiden after saving them! I think you wrote this story wonderfully. I love the dialogue in the diary but you also kept to the diary format, thus all the details kept us entertained and still allowed us to read it as a flowing story. Plus happy endings are the best!
Hey Alissa, I really liked the premise of your storybook. It was a very interesting read! The introduction could use a picture of a diary, perhaps one that is old and beat up looking. The introduction grabbed my attention and it was interesting to see how the diary moved through time. I loved the idea because while people do not live forever, a diary is an easy way to capture a variety of stories at once.
ReplyDeleteThe italics as the headlines for each day made it stick out a little, but could use something to make them stick out a little more. If they were bold it might make it even more visually appealing. For the story of swans, a picture of a golden apple or of the dragon that the Prince slays would make a good addition. I enjoyed the story and thought you were very descriptive when giving us a mental picture of the story and you did a great job. The marriage proposal after slaying the dragon was fitting for a story like this. The damsel in distress story is always a classic. I think it is interesting to see how many people marry half-human creatures in these folk stories.
The color scheme you've chosen for you coverpage is very pleasing to the eye. I'm a fan of natural, earthy colors, so perhaps I am a bit biased. Still, it avoids the pure white that can be harsh on the eyes.
ReplyDeleteIn your introduction, you might have your narrator explain what it means to be an "abiding diary." Given the didactic voice you have given he or she, I can easily see an explanation coming from the book's lips (or pages.)
Typically posts in a diary format tend to have long entires, but I am glad to see that each day is composed of a few sentences. In my opinion, it allows you to emphasize more important entries by making them longer. One of my favorite parts in the first story is the foreshadowing you include when you Prince Stefan writes, "I could picture her as a gorgeous maiden with long golden hair and charming blue eyes." It makes me wonder what her voice sounded like in order to make him think that.
In terms of typographical errors, I am not finding too many. Everything seems to fit the voice of your narrator, so I wouldn't be too concerned. If you really wanted to perfect this, perhaps you could make sure that your comma usage is very consistent. Then again, there might not be anything to change.
The website looks great, Alissa. There’s nothing particularly revolutionary about the design but the color scheme is among my favorites of the Storybooks I’ve read and the cover page picture does a good job of establishing the type of Storybook you’re going for. The pictures in your individual stories are also very well-chosen. “The Swan Maidens” illustration perfectly matches with the image you capture in the first story, and the cottage picture in the next story contributes well to my formulation of what the brothers’ residence looks like. I noticed that you use a different font in the introduction than you do in the following diary entries, and I rather like this choice since it reflect the differences between the diary’s direct speaking and the entries contained in the book proper.
ReplyDeleteEverything looks great content-wise as well. I like how you’ve tweaked your source material in ways that make the story fit the length and also so that they make more sense to you from a plot perspective. The characters’ different voices shine through their diary entries, and even though we’re only getting to know these characters’ feats through their writing, there’s still a great sense of immediacy and adventure in the entries. Keep it up!
Hi Alissa,
ReplyDeleteFirst off your title came off as very vague. So I had trouble gauging what your story was about initially. Though I do like the simplicity of your website and your cover photo. After reading your introduction I pleased to find out it’s about a diary! I like how you’re going to make the point of view of the story from the diary itself. You gave some backstory to the diary which set a nice tone for the overall storybook. The story of Prince Stefan and The Swan Maiden was a very an interesting read. You added so much detail and dialogue that added some personality to your characters. Shortening the story was a good call. I think you retold the story in a way that was more efficient and simpler. It gave enough information for the reader to understand the story. I also really like the image you chose to use. It’s definitely how I pictured the character to look like. I’ve always liked the diary style. When utilized correctly it can add a nice effect to the story and make it more interesting. You did a great job on this storybook, keep up the good work!
Thank you for your comments on my Storybook. I really appreciate the helpful words. The Lord of the North was actually the father of the woman who was getting married, and so he was acting like a bouncer for her big day.
ReplyDelete